I am ready.
You Owe it to me.
I Deserve it.
I waited for so long;
I was content;
then You allowed his death.
I don't deserve this pain.
I was SO Happy.
I became a laid back version of myself,
one Joel had never seen before.
A Me that never before existed.
Please.
Please give me the desires of my heart.
Let me wake up again.
Let Joel stay awake.
Okay, I know that You know our pain,
our pain of the loss of our son.
Doesn't that make you more sympathetic?
Won't You heal our hurt, Now?
Will you bless us again?
When?
Just tell me when.
I know: Truely I deserve nothing but death.
I am owed nothing by You.
I know death happens in our fallen world.
I know that you will not bring us to face any battle that is too much for us,
-but this feels like it is.
I thought I was done waiting,
only for this,
and now to be waiting again.
My heart is broken.
I know that only You can Truely heal it.
Please heal me.
2 comments:
I wish we could go to the store and buy magical duct tape - it would heal all emotional, physical, and spiritual hurts. It would take away whatever was ailing us. It would make the pains of our loved ones go away.
Alas, I know this fantasy of mine could never work... we, and those we love, wouldn't truly be healed by the sudden absence of our pain.
A friend of mine who suffered through cancer several years ago, followed by numerous family deaths and tragedies said to me once, "people are always saying that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Well I don't want to be strong, how about that?"
When it seems like being strong is not worth the pain (and what on earth is there that would be worth it?) keep fighting. You're not alone...
Yes, I too think we should be able to wake up and have everything be okay. Sometimes all we can do is weep with those who weep; and of course pray. I am weeping tonight. and praying. I am so sorry.
Jacob's pictures are prominent in my house; there's no elephant in my rooms, only wonderful pictures of a beautiful little baby boy.
I stand with 'angmarbro' and with you both; you are not alone. Another song comes to mind (I am ministered to through music/worship!); it's called:
'You'll never stand alone'
When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm, is a golden light
And the sweet silver voice from a lark
Walk on through the rain,
Walk on through the wind
Though your dreams be lost and torn
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone.
REPEAT)
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone.
Post a Comment