Here I sit after a pretty rough start to the week(who am I kidding- a Horribly rough start) I have made it to Thursday night and am able to smile. I have joy. It is different, but it is joy. I know it will grow larger and stronger, but at this moment I am just grateful I have any amount of joy.
I am begining to be joyous over this new one. I am starting to naturally look forward to our future mile stones, learning her sex(can you tell what I suspect?), experiencing her growth, feeling her first wiggles. Joel and Gram will have a huge To-Do list when we learn she is a girl. The nursery will have to be just perfect for our GEM(her initials).
Just writing it all gets the juices flowing. Maybe talking about will help to enduce the overflowing joy. I dont want to rob this child of the bonding that occurs during pregnancy. I cannot allow my loss to affect this child detrimentally. That is why I am determined to be joyous with her as I was with Jacob.
I wonder, will she be lucky enough to have my blonde hair? my long legs? how about her daddy's intelligence? I wonder what this blessing will look like.
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I share my heart with those who want to acompany me on my journey.
My Commitment
I am choosing to grow in my knowledge and understanding of a perfect God. Even in the midst of times when I 'know' He is clearly no where to be seen.
This is a public declaration of my process through my personal loss. I created this blog inorder to share my heart with my family, who are not close enough to have a cup of coffee.
Missing you all and hopefully awaiting a visit soon!
This is a public declaration of my process through my personal loss. I created this blog inorder to share my heart with my family, who are not close enough to have a cup of coffee.
Missing you all and hopefully awaiting a visit soon!
Jacob Niels
My Prayer
I lift my eyes up; unto the mountains.
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from You;
Maker of Heaven, Creator of the Earth.
Oh how I need You Lord,
You are my only hope,
You're my only prayer.
So I will wait for You,
to come and rescue me;
Come and give me Life.
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from You;
Maker of Heaven, Creator of the Earth.
Oh how I need You Lord,
You are my only hope,
You're my only prayer.
So I will wait for You,
to come and rescue me;
Come and give me Life.
I Lift my Eyes Up
3 comments:
I'm so excited for you, and can't wait to hear more about how you're doing in your pregnancy... I can definitely tell you have your suspicions! What does the E in GEM stand for?
Edith(My mother)
Oh she (or he, but I believe the baby is a she) is going to be so spoiled! Window shopping is already happening and child proofing Gram's house is in the plans. Once scientific verification of gender takes place, it will be blue bunnies or pick bows - Papa (or whatever he decides to be called)and Gram are super excited!
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