Realizations

Here I sit after a few days of lethargy, looking inside myself to find the source of this anxiety. After talks with Joel last night, I had no conclusion. I am weak. Ready to fall off the edge.
Is it the pending issues I expect to have with doctors and insurance reps regarding having Ross thoroughly checked out to my satisfaction? Or is it the frustration of all the tests we are running on a baby who shows no sign of concern? While we didn't bother to run the tests on his brother who, had anyone looked far enough into, had all the signs that something was wrong. I am learning a lot with Ross' nurses and doctors, all the signs that something is just not right. Problem is, Jacob had em all, Ross doesn't. We are testing a year too late people! It just is frustrating. Health care and insurance need to revitalize some standards.
I am just happy that these tests are not affecting Ross, if they were I can't say I would be a willing participant any longer. All three weeks Ross has passed with flying colors, but did we expect anything less? He is a different baby, he is an individual as my mother would say.
In case you are not aware, we just completed the one year. The first year. We looked upon last weekend as a celebration we made it thus far. The actual anniversary was hard on Joel, but I was not paying attention to what day it was. We were fortunate to have been invited to our friends home to play a game and have some great dessert. They have an adorable year old who had had a rough day but apparently I had the touch Monday night! Ohh you know I loved every minute of it. I didn't win the game but I got to hold Tori- the best prize!
Saturday will be the anniversary of Jacob's dedication, but it too will be the celebration of Jacob's brother, Ross. I am excited to mark it with a wonderful occasion- Ross' shower. I am not sure anyone will be aware of the days significance besides Gram, but I will be surprised if I make it through without tears of joy.