My blood is boiling.
No, not because I am in Texas and we get some hot summers.
I am soaked with anger.
So sick to my stomach, I am nauseated.
Why you ask... because everything is failing me- miserably.
Okay God, I know you can take it. I know you are not Truly failing me, though I do feel so a majority of the time. I know it is just my human nature/mind that prevents me from a full understanding. Thank you for your patience with me...ARGH!!!
Why ME??! Why Now?!! What the heck is happening here? I know who You are. Why would you allow this to occur when You knew the bitterness that it would stir into my soul. Why would a loving, caring, compassionate, Father allow His daughter to suffer so? Why? How can this bitterness, which consumes my soul, be a good thing?
J!K#DL*SA;$JFO@WEI
My anger is everywhere. At everyone. The lone stranger that is stupid enough to ask me how I am; and then responds to my "fine" with some smirk about how I am not being honest. They get it. The look on their faces when I crassly tell them someone died- you can imagine.
I am tired of people. Tired of people being shocked by how I am dealing with those so cleaver individuals who feel the need to make smirks to me.
UGHH!!!
I am tired of having acquaintances everywhere and few friends. I am tired of learning I have fewer and fewer friends.
Whatever happened to genuine real relationships? That is why Joel and I started attending a small group at church over a year ago. Our belief was that by joining a small group we would connect and develop True, deep, meaningful relationships with Believers our age. We hoped to gain friends that use scripture to guide their lives; no matter what. ARGH! Over a year later and we are practically in the same boat we were before we started. Alone.
AHHHHAHHHH!!!
I am told by many older individuals that people my age are afraid to get to close. 'Oh my, her kid died. What would I say to her? Could she stand to be around us with our kid?' What are they Afraid of?! Do they think I have some sort of germ their kid might catch and then die too?!! Sheesh! If you feel that way then by all means stay away, I don't need to know stupid people.
Harsh you say? Then you shouldn't be reading this blog.
This is my battle. This is where I am- Alone.
Trying to Survive.
