Joy cometh in the the Morning.
Isn't that what I said a few posts ago?
Well, not so much Joy as a subsiding of my boiling.
I am still simmering though. You know,
if the heat gets turned up, or the pressure builds from putting a lid on it,
I will be boiling in no time.
My feelings are valid. (I learned that in Grief Recovery)
It is not sinful to be angry.
Be angry, and sin not.
Mom, I know you are worried about me.
God is dealing with me, and I am listening.
I am not as perfect as you think I am though. Sometimes it takes Him telling me a few times before I get the message.
4 comments:
Okay, my heart was breaking for your hurt then I read 'thank you lil debbie snack cake for showing me what real friendship is' and I laughed out loud! See Sweet Joy, you're still in there somewhere. The point is, mother hormones are stronger then any other and that is who you are right now: a mother. A mother who couldn't 'protect' their baby from death as every mother believes she should be able to. A mother with no Jacob onto which to flow all of this mothering onto. A mother with a HUGE hole where her heart used to be.
That's okay Joy. We all understand. God understands better then us. That's okay. Jacob being gone from us here is NOT okay. Being real about your hurt and anguish is.
I don't know how your mom is handling this either. I'll email her soon. Loosing a grandchild has got to be the worst, the absolute worst as with a child. God bless her and your dad for standing for you guys when I'm sure she crumbles into herself in sorrow too. Godly mothers are the best. That includes YOU Joy.
In 100 yrs. we will all be gone. That is a drop in the 'time' bucket for all eternity. The times I am able to get an eternal perspective I am better able to accept God's will. Because whether we accept it or not, His will be done, in heaven and on earth and under the earth. Amen & Amen.
Praying for you both.
Love A. Susan
love you Joy
I have no wise words, just the knowledge of God's Grace alive in my own life. You know that I cannot imagine your pain. I am sorry that you feel alone.
I love this John Piper quote: How can we be strong in the Lord? We must first pray for the divine enabling of spiritual sight and spiritual knowledge. W/o this we are blind. Seeing we do not see. 2nd we must see w/ the eyes of the heart the greatness and glory of our future w/ God. HE will wipe away every tear, and he will be our light, and the Lamb will be our lamp. 3rd, we must rejoice in that firm and certain glory. This must be our daily delight and our abiding treasure. Finally, this JOY will be our strength. It will mightily free us from all the competing pleasures of the world that weaken us and make us listless soldiers instead of might for God." from John Piper's book, Taste and See.
Praying for you...
Joy I started reading "When I Lay My Issac Down" by Carol Kent last weekend. It is so good.
Susan is so wise. Eternity. ETERNITY. We must keep our minds there. My husband often says to me: "Die to yourself Amy, just die." Like Jesus said: "Unless a grain of wheat falls to the earth..."
I read 1st Peter Chapter 1 with new eyes recently. The Lord Jesus is ALIVE. In HEAVEN. JACOB is there. We will all be together. And this will all be a breath. And it WILL make sense. As your life is crushed like wheat, you will bear fruit and the Glory of God. Can you even find it in you to look forward and hope for the day when 1) you will see Jesus 2) you will see Jacob 3) God will wipe away all your tears. That hope is the ONLY reason to get out of bed and keep going. Most people don't ever learn this. You are learning it. Probably more than most of us.
There is so much pain. People don't know how to act, how to help, so they end up hurting you. Then there is pain on top of pain.
Oh Joy, I'm hurting for you this morning. May God, who is all-wise, speak to your heart, comfort and peace, and ETERNAL truths--truths about Jesus, about Jacob, and about your imperishable inheritance in the Lord. Love and prayers to you and yours.
Thank you for being real with us.
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