Many of you may be wondering how I am handling the impending 'fear' that may accompany Ross' arrival. You may wonder if it has begun. Yes, it has. Not consciously, but it has begun to show itself. I have discovered that I am waking up sharply, sometimes multiple times a night. I sit up abruptly, check Joel and the dogs to be sure all is well.
Joel informed me recently he was wondering why he has awakened with my hand on his face a few times. Thankfully I am able to relax and fall back to sleep without trouble- it does not produce the insomnia that I experienced for the months following Jacob's death.
During the days, evenings, and mornings I am not panic stricken. I know that He is in control, and that the road which lies ahead I have no control over. But I do know that He will give me the strength to get up each day.
At this point I am very excited to bring Ross home. I am excited for him to make his arrival. We know he will have a heart and respiration monitor; we intend to use it during the nights for our own comfort. However, I am sure I will not put my trust in the monitor, so insomnia may be a frequent battle. My parents will be here for weeks after Ross' arrival, and their encouragement will be of Immense comfort. As I am sure, all your prayers will send His Peace to our home.
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I share my heart with those who want to acompany me on my journey.
My Commitment
I am choosing to grow in my knowledge and understanding of a perfect God. Even in the midst of times when I 'know' He is clearly no where to be seen.
This is a public declaration of my process through my personal loss. I created this blog inorder to share my heart with my family, who are not close enough to have a cup of coffee.
Missing you all and hopefully awaiting a visit soon!
This is a public declaration of my process through my personal loss. I created this blog inorder to share my heart with my family, who are not close enough to have a cup of coffee.
Missing you all and hopefully awaiting a visit soon!
Jacob Niels
My Prayer
I lift my eyes up; unto the mountains.
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from You;
Maker of Heaven, Creator of the Earth.
Oh how I need You Lord,
You are my only hope,
You're my only prayer.
So I will wait for You,
to come and rescue me;
Come and give me Life.
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from You;
Maker of Heaven, Creator of the Earth.
Oh how I need You Lord,
You are my only hope,
You're my only prayer.
So I will wait for You,
to come and rescue me;
Come and give me Life.
I Lift my Eyes Up
2 comments:
I'm glad you haven't done any damage to Joel's face unknowingly... =) We're excited for you to bring Ross home also. I can't wait to make my way out there and see you all!!!!!
much much love
I figure this little guy will never be out of your sight so the heart and respiration monitor will just be added accruements (: My babies were in my room until they couldn't fit in the giant cradle Larry made for them!! Though they did nap in 'their' rooms so they would be somewhat used to being alone. After 8-9 months of hearing Mommie's heartbeat and every word she speaks and has spoken to her, 'being alone' isn't necessarily necessary except perhaps to 'the experts'! Feeling YOU is necessary. No worries Joy and Joel, you are exactly who this baby needs to flourish; for he is flesh of your flesh and life of your love. What more could he ask? "And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Chrsit Jesus." Phil. 4:19 In Christ, you've got it covered!!
Love, Aunt Susan
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