Saturday Joel and I made the trip out to Little Elm(a Dallas Suburb) to see some friends we have not seen in FAR too long. It was blessing. Chad and Krissa have the most adorable son- Caleb. And on May 16th, just three days before Jacob arrived they added Kennedy. Yes! I did hold her and YES! it was fabulous. Yes! I did wonder how Jacob would fair in comparison, but no I was not tormented- not in the least. I was blessed beyond measure.
Francine Rivers, a well known Christian, author and woman wrote the book The Atonement Child. As of now I am only 51 pages into the book. Right where Dynah thinks she may be pregnant from her recent Rape. Sad- to most of you. Yes to me on a level. But all I can help but think is how she could bless someone with that child. "Give it to me!" I am screaming in my head...
As of late I have been in a new place. Agony. I so desperately want to forget at times. And I so desperately want to move forward with my life. I am grateful that God encouraged me to return to work rather than run in opposite direction. Working with kids is one of the best healing techniques I can imagine. I get to be honest about how I am feeling. I get to use that nurturing side of myself daily. But mostly I spend my days with two people that depend on me, well four really when you consider their mom and dad! ;0)
I am a changed person and I am not sure I will like the new version I see developing... It is one with a much Less innocent faith. Someone that has a hard time enjoying the simplist of times. Someone that is much more serious than ever before. Who she is I dont know, I can only hope that when Satan is done sifting me that my faith will return to be the Strong Childlike Faith that eased me to Lean on Him...
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4 comments:
I finished the Atonement Child a few weeks ago...keep reading as you will see in the end how God can use such a tragedy to bring healing for not just the wronged but others around you.
One word from my experience, once you have lived through many of the painful times this world offers us, you never return to that innocent faith but develop into a "mature faith" that depends on the Lord more deeply and easily because you have experienced His faithfulness in the journey of suffering and can see clearly looking back from the other side. The scriptures teach us to eat the meat of His word and not just be satisfied with the milk as we once were. The Israelites also wanted to go back to captivity because the going was hard in the wilderness and they could not see the end...don't opt out growing up and "walking beside the Lord" for the comforts of infancy. Long for the maturity instead!
Theresa
I love Francine Rivers! The Atonement Child is a beautiful, yet difficult story.
May...
"The LORD bless you and keep you;
The LORD make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
The LORD turn His face toward you
and give you peace."
Numbers 6:24-26
I've missed you and wondered how you guys were doing.
Our pastor & his wife lost their oldest son 2 weeks ago. Pain is everywhere now; no one is untouched. You are right, God is allowing us to be sifted; will we say as our pastor says 'I still believe' or will we run from Him, the only One that can truely help? You are correct too in that you have lost your innocence. You know Him in a different way and will grow deeper in Him because of it. No one would choose this path. No one. I continue to pray for you both daily. Looking forward to seeing you hopefully sooner then later. My love, A.Susan
Remember “The Old Testament According to Joylynn” It is your history of events and obstacles that seemed impossible, yet our loving Father was there to guide you over or through them. And you grew stronger! God’s Word is full of promises that He loves us and has a purpose beyond our understanding. Isaiah 55:8&9, 1 Cor.2:9.
His grace is abundant and sufficient!
No parent intentionally allows random pain to touch their child. Yet fevers from inoculations, bumps and scrapes from learning to walk or ride a bike are all included as a part of growing up. They build your physical strength and ability. The benefits are not always seen, but eventually immunity develops, balance improves and gravity is conquered to a degree.
Labor itself is another example of a productive pain, one that produces joy. Look what you got!! We all delighted in Jacob’s birth and presence with us. We have yet to understand the reason for his parting. That’s where trust comes in. We will always grieve his loss, but we need to remember the joy of his existence. We held him, kissed him, loved him, and now he is perfect and complete in Heaven. God blessed us all with an awesome baby. And God did not just snatch him away without good reason, He did what was best for all of us. If we knew why, we would have a place to hang our objections, instead we must cling to His promises and trust in His Love and definitive purpose. Heb. 11:1
I think Jacob would say, “Mommy and Daddy, I’m happy here. Please be happy for me. I’m sorry you miss me, but someday we’ll be together again.”
Separation is always hard…..first kindergarten, then college, then Texas!?! ;-)
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