This morning I had a nice long drive. I was headed to a meeting where I was to learn how to start a garden club in my area. On the way I had hoped to listen to Howard Garret, the Dirt Doctor. He is the local gardening guru- organic know it all. Unfortunately his show was inundated with some infomercial for some organic nutrition supplement that would help me loose fat- whatever!
So I turned off the radio and had a long cry. I miss him.
Since I currently have no one local to get into the meat issues of life I get to do it on my own- yipee! (Ang and LilDebbie I will house hunt and job hunt for you if only you would transplant yourselves! The guys would have to follow- they couldn't survive without you. :) )
Back to the meat. I started chewing and discovered my pride. I suffer from a bad bout of this affliction. You see, I know I am the greatest with kids- of all ages and abilities. I love them! And I am very much aware of the fact that God gave me this wonderful gift. But yet my attitude as of late has been to harshly judge the mom aquaintances I have. Boy am I bitter. Bitter as a unriped lemon.
God, why would you give children to someone that is going to send their child to be cared for by a stranger more than half their life?? 90% of their wakeful moments they are not with their mother. (I know society tells us women we can be wives, mothers and have a successfull career- but we cannot be all three and do them all completely- in my opinion.) Why? Why is 'she' allowed to have a child she is too selfish to enjoy? Why does that kid have a mom that is oblivious? Why? Why is the system so screwed up that good willing capable parents cannot care for a needy child because they need to jump through a million hoops first? And then - oops! you are pregnant- nope you can't adopt. Or your kid died- not by your doing- but still? What the HECK is going on here? Where is the logic in any of this?
I am so upset.